904pm july 17, 2005

i like what the lightbulb symbolizes -- epiphany, new ideas, etc. -- and as i said before, the single light bulb in the ceiling of my room is dim enough to stare right into. i guess there's a little bit of symbolism in the reflective thinking i do when i stare into that light bulb at night. AND i still like blinking and following the negative image the light burns into my retinas.

i really haven't had much to journal on lately. i guess that means i'm thinking less and getting used to the way things are around here. when you stop caring about being so clean, it lifts a burden off your shoulders...and when you're as much of a germaphobe as i am, that's a huge accomplishment. i call the lizards, mice, and cockroaches my friends now. well...not the cockroaches so much (they weren't kidding when they said those bastards could fly here). been waking up with less bites, but the pimples have been showing up strong as ever. when one starts going away, another one seems to replace it...sigh. but i've gotten used to being sweaty and sticky 24 hours a day.

my older brother is here now. we went to Makati to show him around the nice places. you know, if you spend enough time in Greenbelt you almost forget you're in the philippines. Greenbelt is so different than the philippines i've gotten used to living in, and i find so much comfort in going there because it reminds me of home. you can find quite a bit of foreigners there and my ears always perk up whenever i hear americans conversing.

the people are starting to get on my nerves. i keep reminding myself that the culture is just different. they don't mean to be rude. but when someone comes THISCLOSE to hitting you while you cross the street a time and time again, you're bound to get pissed off. i hit the back of one of those cars today with my bag; a metal chain on my bag scratched against the exterior. it didn't cause much damage at all, but it felt good to let them know i was angry. in a department store, after i had just purchased something, one guy swore he was in some kind of hurry and cut me off while i was standing there putting my change away. he slipped in the small space right in between me and the counter -- his back an inch away from my face -- just so he wouldn't wait a few more seconds to make his transaction. and don't get me started on the workers in the department stores...if someone suggests another ugly pair of tapered pants or Goddess shirt, i'm going to scream.